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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Rock the baby. Me: *plugs in amp*"

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"I warned everyone that I take charades seriously and now three people are crying"
"I plan to watch some movie with girlfriend this evening. Can somebody recommend a girlfriend?"
"A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos."
"It has been proven that Australians watch TV more than any other appliance."
"a priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench... the priest sees some kids playing nearby. he leans over to the rabbi points and says ""how about we screw them"" the rabbi says ""out of what?"""
"What's a Navy SEAL's least favourite drink? Canadian Club."
"I have a knock knock joke. You start."
"Sometimes I squirt mayonnaise across my breasts so I don't forget what it's like to have a boyfriend."
"I was having dinner with my folks when dad called me a son of a bitch. I said, ""Listen, I don't disagree--but she's sitting right THERE."""