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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever captured as a spy, all they'd have to do to get me to talk is put my house slipper on the wrong foot."

"Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room."

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of its paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Why was the Jewish man so defensive about his beer? Because Hebrewed it."

"When people tell me ""You're gonna regret that in the morning"" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver"

"Homeless girl ..... I met this girl the other day and gave her my phone number. She said she would call when she got home. I'm beginning to think she's homeless???"

"I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend that I do; I just stand in my room screaming ""That's not what I said!"""

"What happens if you pass gas in church? You have to sit in your own pew."

"""When you wish upon a star, it takes trillions of years for the wish to get there, and by that stage you're dead."" - Neil deGrasse Tyson."

"They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner. After all, there were plenty of red flags."