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Joke of the Day

"The lady behind me in line at Target was frustrated I was writing a check, so I got out a feather pen and ink bottle and did it right."

"Did you hear about the locomotive that always did what it was told? It was really well trained."

"I refuse to lower my standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs."

"It's hard dating with OCD... ...every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I have to turn her off again."

"A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, upset, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and says, ""I guess we answered that question!"""

"Did you hear about the man who died in a bowl of muesli He got pulled under by a strong currant"

"Why can black women twerk so well? They learned from their father how to bounce."

"I heard reports of a white haired man in a strange outfit going around emptying his sack in children's bedrooms across the country. Which is crazy because I heard Jimmy Saville was dead."

"I can hear my cat's stomach growling in D#... I better get him a tuna."

"The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn't bargain on ""bankrupt"" being an option."