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Joke of the Day
"""If you are fat you will die,"" said the thin ppl, who would never die."
Next Joke
"I've got a new job crushing coke cans. Its soda pressing."
"""Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?"" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. ""I don't work here"" I yelled back."
"What do you call Murayan Sukumaran's new wife? A necrophiliac."
"Why is Robert Pattison so pale? There's no sunlight in the closet."
"Two hipsters walked into a bar... The first went in before it was popular and the second was only being ironic."
"Old meaning of sorry. ""I won't do it again."" New meaning of sorry. ""Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."""
"What is ""attempted theft"" exactly? I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for ""attempted plagiarism"""
"Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?"
"Knock knock. Who's there? The pilot, let me in! Credit to: /u/Squidward_On_Drugs on an AskReddit thread, wanted to share with r/jokes"