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Joke of the Day

"Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?"

"Lots of people cry while chopping onions. The trick is to not form an emotional attachment."

"I bought a boomerang from a ghost yesterday.. I know it's going to come back to haunt me!"

"Drown that bastard! No mercy! Nana please... this is a baptism."

"I'm basically only good at three things: 1. Programming 2. Counting"

"A husband came home with half a gallon of ice cream and asked his wife if she wanted some. ""How hard is it?"" she asked. ""About as hard as my dick."" he replied. ""Pour me some."""

"Post some more song lyrics as your status. Someone will eventually understand your struggle."

"I went for my physical yesterday. Nurse came in the room and she said ""I'm going to have to ask you to stop masturbating"" I was like ""What? Why!?"" She said ""because I'm trying to do your physical!"""

"I went to see an evening of vegetables doing stand-up last night. It wasn't to my taste though - too many crudites"

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana"