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Joke of the Day
"I was going to say a dead baby joke... but I decided to abort"
Next Joke
"So there's a flash flood warning in my area. I didn't know floods could be exhibitionist. *^I'm ^so ^sorry*"
"What's the difference between driving in fog and eating pussy? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you"
"My friend, Damian, is crazy for apple products He's a macadamian nut."
"What is the opposite of pro? Con. What is the opposite of progress? Congress."
"""...so when the plane crashed, we had to do the unthinkable to survive."" ""Eat human corpses?"" [flashback to eating quinoa] ""Y...yes."""
"Reddit thread: What's The Coolest Thing On the Internet I Can Buy for Under $100? http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wyozq/what_is_the_coolest_thing_i_can_buy_on_the/c5hp9rg"
"Dude on Amtrak I sized up as being a lawyer just used ""litigation"" during a phone call. Feeling powerful right now."
"A Lion Air flight which overshot a runway in Bali crash landed in the ocean Saturday... and now it's just Lion there."
"My plans must be so fat they never work out."