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Joke of the Day

"My fiancee asked me why I always back into parking spots... I told her ""guys typically want to just pull out"". She was not amused."

"i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative"

"Just walking down the ""Gluten Free"" aisle, secretly dropping boxes of Twinkies in everyone's carts."

"What is it called when you are arrested for drunk driving and you extremely regret it? DU-WHY?!"

"[supermarket] *Unpacks 60 items of groceries onto checkout area* CHECKOUT GIRL: I have a boyfriend. ME: Oh, OK. *slowly repacks trolley*"

"Villain: We meet again, Mr. Bond Bond: You don't remember my 1st name do you Villain: Sure I do. It's uh.. Bond: C'mon this is our 3rd fight"

"What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a cliff? Nothing, she was wearing mittens."

"How does the alchemist please his wife? Elixir!!!!!"

"The Koreans were printing with movable type in 1403. I was in 1402 and the noise kept me awake all night. - from MASH"

"What's wrong with a joke containing Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium? It's CoRnY"