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Joke of the Day

"i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative"

"TIL If coral get too stressed, they die. Their primary source of stress? Current events"

"Liked the 3 day weekend? Try not having a job, it's a 365 day weekend."

"Why did the cow sign up for TSA precheck? Butterflies"

"Chuck norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it."

"I said ""Margarita"" 3 times in the mirror instead of ""Bloody Mary"" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them."

"if men fall asleep directly after sex . . . why is it so hard to catch a rapist? -Jimmy Carr p.s. never high five a rabbi"

"You know what they say? Once you go white, you'll rob the world of it's resources and murder indigenous peoples."

"A world without women would be a pain in the ass!!! ... If you don't get it... you don't deserve to."

"I'm not all that interested in Astronomy but, I really dig Uranus."