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Joke of the Day

"How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None. Their President outsources the job to India."

"Son: I'm going to transform into an island off the coast of Italy! Mother: Don't be Sicily!"

"""Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I bounced a check for my girlfriend's abortion? They had to put the baby back in. And that baby... ...was Shia LaBeouf."" -Klaus, American Dad"

"I was created in a gas station. I was an in-petro fertilization baby."

"Why can't you ever trust an atom? Because, they make up everything..."

"If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read ""Pills bury dough boy"" Credit to my friend Chris"

"iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too."

"Who is the best Jewish cook? Hitler."

"""Good morning ladies!"" The blind man announced as he strolled through the fish market."

"When I finally break up with my boyfriend I'm just going to yell ""UNFOLLOW"" and then walk away."