78504

Joke of the Day

"Groundhogs Constipation is a bit like watching for groundhogs on Groundhog Day. You know spring is coming early, but that reclusive rodent is nowhere to be seen."

"What's worse than fighting an uphill battle? Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there."

"[torturing terrorist] [plays EDM] [beat rises] [beat keeps rising] [beat rises endlessly] Terrorist: MAKE IT DROP I'LL TELL U ANYTHING"

"What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant ? An animal that tells you everything that it remembers !"

"Ho ho ho! But that's enough about the Kardashians, merry Christmas everyone!"

"What does the narcissistic cow say? Moooo! Cuz it's a cow"

"I hoped to be a mortgage some day... But it looks like I'm forever a loan."

"How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'? 1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... I^will^see^myself^out"

"Egyptians don't walk like that."

"Her:""Let's make a baby."" Him: ""Okay! Hold on."" *goes to bathroom* [5 minutes later.] Her: ""Where'd you go?"" Him: ""You meant with you??"""