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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a woman who wants a larger outlook on life? Tell her to stand next to the kitchen window"

"What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday? I don't know he hasn't opened it yet."

"Never sure of the differences between a crocodile, an alligator, and a staple remover."

"What do you call a male cow masturbating? Beef Jerky"

"Why don't neckbeards hit on people with heart conditions? Because people with heart conditions take beta-blockers."

"Still not sure if construction paper is used in construction."

"Just congratulated my ex on dating someone so young that her Throwback Thursday photos are just pictures of her pregnant mom. I'm a dream."

"I am a simple man with simple jokes. A tumblrite came up to me and told me I needed to respect her being a pansexual. I said ""why do you want to fuck bread? You'll get a yeast infection."""

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office I will find you. You have my word."

"Two men walk into a bar... The third one ducks."