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Joke of the Day

"Still not sure if construction paper is used in construction."

"Sperm bank I wounder if the receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used phrase ""Thanks for coming""."

"I could never run for a political office I'm too out of shape. I could, however, waddle for a political office"

"A Victoria's Secret commercial will always come on when you're elbow deep in a bag of Doritos."

"Damn girl, are you reddit? Cus you repeat the same stupid shit over and over"

"What sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother."

"How many prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than four, they've been in my basement for days, and it's still dark down there!"

"[7:30pm] Tonight I'll actually go to bed on time and get sleep! [2:30am] the most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million"

"A lot of times you put up a tweet and at first it doesn't seem like it's going to do very well and then BOOM: you make 1 million dollars"

"the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian"