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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the man who got his entire left side of his body mauled off by a bear? He's all right now."

"""Dad, are you afraid of ghosts?"" ""Only when I think of all the people who've died & how they must have us seriously outnumbered...G'night!"""

"9: You like Twitter Dad? Me: Yep 9: I'll join and be your friend. M: Cool, extra math is great! 9: It's a math thing? M: yep 9: nevermind"

"Why was the topologist confident about performing a vasectomy? Because open balls are in his neighborhood"

"A co-worker of mine vocally disapproved with my proposal to ban pyrotechnics in nightclubs... I told her to give her rebuke a rest."

"I feel like I might kill someone today, and I'm starving. So clearly the best solution is to just eat someone."

"With the unemployment rate so high, why are people still getting neck tattoos?"

"How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument? They went outside and exchanged blows."

"How do you get a blonde on your roof? Tell her drinks are on the house."

"What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale"