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Joke of the Day

"There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking."

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot"

"How do you tell which truck is the mail truck? It has huge balls on it. Credit goes to the 70 year old man who just came into my work and made my day."

"What did the bully say when he threw Michael J. Fox out of a 10 story window? Marty Mc. FLyyyyyyyyy!"

"The FBI, CIA, LAPD, and some Rabbits"

"I hate it when my girlfriend tells me she's about to come I have shitty cellphone reception."

"A good rule of thumb is It's opposable."

"What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head? ""I have only my shelf to blame"""

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. credit to /u/crashdemon."

"Give a man a fish & he'll probably stick his dick in it. Teach a man to fish & he'll just keep fucking the fish you gave him. Men are weird."