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Joke of the Day

"How do you piss of an archaeologist? Hand him a tampon and ask what period it's from."

"Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside."

"How do you keep brown bears off your property? Build a wall"

"My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere."

"What does a redneck do after she bangs her second cousin? She quits counting."

"Why do we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day off? So the black people will not be the only ones skipping school."

"My girlfriend said that a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm. ""That's a bullshit myth,"" I said. ""Prove it,"" she replied. After sneezing ten times I said, ""See? I'm still awake and you're not pregnant."""

"""I need to find somewhere to park,"" I told my wife. ""What about over there?"" she said. ""I can't,"" I replied, ""It says between 1 and 9 only."" ""Well, why is that stopping you?"" ""I'm 23."""

"What do you call a loud Trump supporter? A Trumpet."

"I used to be a fan of reading Tolkien But then I kicked the hobbit"