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Joke of the Day

"""Hi, I'm Garfield, a cat who hates Mondays. But I'm here to tell you that there's nothing lasagna' about global warming."""

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live So I shot him. Judge gave me 30 years to life."

"What is an inconvenient truth with music? Algorithm."

"I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?"

"How many frat guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer Natural Light."

"They tried to record the Juno Satellite launch, but their computers were outer space. Outer. Space."

"Samsung Galaxy S7 slogan: Rethink what a phone can do. To be fair, they didn't disappoint."

"What's the Priest favorite breakfast? Kids."

"All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream."

"I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out."