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Joke of the Day

"Samsung Galaxy S7 slogan: Rethink what a phone can do. To be fair, they didn't disappoint."

"I fucked this girl for an hour and 45 seconds last night. Thanks daylight savings."

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend? After the date, you can just drop her off anywhere."

"""Oh no I left the easy bake oven on"" *runs home* *house is filled with tiny cakes*"

"Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love."

"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."

"What would be the name of a very old rapper? 2 Canes"

"Q: What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? A: Any dog. A building can't jump."

"I met a refugee on the bus today. ""What country are you from?"" I asked. ""Iraq"" he said. ""How did you escape?"" I asked. IRAN"

"How did the scientist like his guacamole? With lots of Avogadro!"