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Joke of the Day

"When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people."

"What kind of typewriters do vampires like? Blood type-writers."

"I told my friend a chemistry joke. He didn't react... I wanted to tell my girlfriend, but SHe doesn't exist."

"No one ever talks about Peter Pans brother. Peter Pots"

"Just LMAO and spent 6 hours in surgery getting it reattached. It's not funny."

"I changed my password to ""incorrect"" So when I forget it my computer will tell me ""your password is incorrect"""

"I'm pretty sure my parents are getting me a sweater for Christmas, but I really would have preferred a moaner or screamer."

"Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fucking me."

"My doctor said that high levels of hormones were causing me to prematurely ejaculate. On my way home I bought a gag for my wife."

"Benedict Arnold's boy pointed out the front window ...and pointed at a maple. ""Look daddy, a bush,"" he said excitedly. ""That's not a bush,"" Benedict replied, ""that's a tree son."""