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Joke of the Day

"I was kicked out of mime school once. I hadn't put the safety lock on and my finger guns went off. The whole class took cover in their boxes"

"I predict futuristic fiction will become very popular. Nope, just an example of futuristic fiction. It wasn't that great because that's what futuristic fiction is like."

"What do you call 69-ing in China? Tu Can Chu"

"Who said the first million was the hardest? Was it hitler?"

"My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle."

"How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet."

"Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the paracetemol."

"I am angry but not like really angry. More like Facebook angry where I call you letters of the alphabet. You F'ing B."

"I'm reading a book about sufferers of tourettes syndrome... I want to know what makes them tic."

"William Shatner? I didn't even know he knew her."