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Joke of the Day

"Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo."

"Coworker: It'll either work or it won't. Me: Yes. Those would be the two possible outcomes."

"What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come."

"Where do you drown a hipster? The Mainstream."

"Interviewer: what would you say is your biggest weakness? Me: *high pitched mocking voice* what would you say is your biggest weakness?"

"Gary Johnson in an Interview.. Reporter: Knock Knock! Gary Johnson: Who's there? Reporter: What is Alep Gary Johnson: What is Alepwho? Reporter: a-are you serious?"

"For a guy who's obsessed with public safety, I think Batman drives a little too fast sometimes."

"If caitlyn Jenner goes missing Do they put her photo on the back of a bottle of tranny fluid"

"I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like."

"My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve."