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Joke of the Day

"I came home to my girlfriend packing her bags. What are you doing? -I'm leaving you. I heard you're a pedophile! That's a pretty big word for a seven year old."

"My Jewish friend told me about Krav Maga.... To which I replied ""is that some sort of a legal term?"""

"How does a **real** man know when a woman is having an orgasm? Who gives a fuck?"

"What did water say when it found out hydrogen is a diatomic? H2? Oh!"

"Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos."

"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

"Why do the elephants have short tails ? Because they can't remember long stories !"

"Smoking studies done on monkeys have shown that compared to the non smoking group, the smoking group looks significantly cooler."

"I've invented a solar-powered still! It turns sunshine into moonshine. Credit: Quirk."

"If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra"