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Joke of the Day

"""Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yep, yep, uh huh, uh huh, ok, you too, bye"": Man side of every phone conversation with his wife."

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"[Snail Court] Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor? Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time."
"Why did the Bloody Mary need a restraining order? Celery Stalks."
"Nothing makes me feel like this exercise plan is working than the whistles & shouts coming from the jail when I run by."
"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off you c*nt!"""
"What did Justin Bieber's biggest fan say to him when they met? nothing, hes a fan."
"I know a mathematician who can't afford lunch. He can binomial."
"Yes I will purchase the anti-ageing cream that costs 100's of dollars because the results on those 20 year old models is just miraculous."
"Why were the bakers hands brown? He kneaded a poo"
"Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today's class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you're here now, you failed."
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