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Joke of the Day

"Heard a friend bragging about his one night stand Whatever mate, i've got two night stands. One either side of my bed."

"I like my women like I like my wine. About 20 years old and locked in my cellar."

"Why do elephants have big flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks."

"Me: Do you love me? 13: Silence Husband: if you don't tell your mother you love her we are going to make out at your next soccer game."

"Why are 9/11 victims the best readers? They can go through 94 stories in seconds!"

"My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true."

"i bet cough drops were invented before candy, because if they were invented after then they'd be called candy."

"She said she'd keep an eye out for me I don't know why. I don't even like skullfucking."

"""We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."" - A man who owned other men."

"My wife has the body of a 16 year old schoolgirl... She keeps it in the fridge."