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Joke of the Day

"A guy in a plane stood up & shouted ""HIJACK!"" All passengers got scared . . . Then from the other end of the plane a guy shouted back, . . . ""Hi JOHN"""

"What did the poet with hemorrhoids say? I'm stuffin the puffin back into my muffin."

"Two guys walking down the street... ...notice a dog licking his balls. The first guy say ""Man, I wish I could do that."" Second guy says ""You should probably just pet him first."""

"* thinks of a tweet before falling asleep * decided to remember a ""key word* so I can remember it * wakes up * forgot key word"

"Things I've learned on Twitter: 1. A Twitter Crush is not a soft drink 2. Naps rule 3. Pants are optional 4. Everybody hates Nickelback"

"I always thought Hamlet was the story of a small pig."

"Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig? Because he was an old boar."

"Why don't Junior League debutantes engage in group sex? Too many thank you notes to write afterwards."

"Still carry my keys one-poking-out-like-a-weapon-style in case I'm attacked by a not very tough rapist with thin skin."

"I couldn't find you any new tampons. but I managed to pull a few strings..."