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Joke of the Day

"*a dripping wet Kurt Cobain stumbles out of his garage* ""OK WHO REPLACED MY GUN WITH A SUPERSOAKER"""

"I once called a psychic. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up."

"I used to speak in Fleetwood Mac quotes, but I stopped... ...and I'm never going back again."

"A British man and a Chinese man were arguing One of them is Wright and the other is Wong."

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."

"If your phone fell in a toilet, you would... 1995: ...leave it, toilets are gross Today: [wrist-deep in urine] BRING ME A BOWL OF RICE NOW"

"How do you get to Carnegie Hall? take a taxi"

"I almost got raped in jail I think my family takes monopoly way too seriously"

"Why did the orange move to veggieland? So he could live in peas and hominy."

"What do you call a postmodernist ravioli? An intellectual impasta'."