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Joke of the Day

"Went to a shrink today. She said I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other b*tch!"

"For some silly reason my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair... I overheard her on the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd be 'balled' soon"

"What is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of google."

"What do you call a man with a kilt over his head ? Scott !"

"Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man Most importantly, talk in irrelevant cliches."

"What do you call a privileged post office? Cis White Mail"

"Say what you want about kleptomaniacs, but they're definitely not cowards. Those guys have got balls of steal."

"What comes before the main violinist? ... Entree Rieu"

"*Mom makes me take out the garbage* *Garbage and I begin to date* *I start taking things too fast* *Garbage dumps me*"

"There's an Irishman, a Jew, and a homosexual standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community."