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Joke of the Day

"For some silly reason my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair... I overheard her on the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd be 'balled' soon"

"Why don't my dog and my cat get along? She's a Re-puppy-can and he's a Demo-cat!"

"Someone just corrected my ""good morning"" with a ""good afternoon"" so I said, ""go to hell you clock watching motherfucker""."

"A guy drove his expensive car into a tree... That's when he learned how the Mercedes bends"

"Writing a personal ad. So far I have: Has all own teeth"

"If 'real life' was really that great, Twitter wouldn't be so fucking addictive."

"When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?"

"What is a kinda cool vegetable? Radish"

"[giving grandmother's eulogy] But on the plus side, that's the fastest she ever got down the stairs."

"The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy."