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Joke of the Day

"I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket. ""Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"Did you fall from Haven? Me: ""Girl, did you fall from heaven?"" Her: ""Don't even think about it?"" Me: ""...because Satan did"""

"Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don't get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case..."

"There are two goldfishes in a bowl. There are two goldfishes in a fish bowl. One says to the other, ""Trevor, why do the humans think us fish are stupid?"" Trevor says, ""Sorry, who are you again?"""

"My dog kept me awake all night. Dreadful diarrhoea. Don't think I cooked him properly."

"I've been reading a book on North African History It's very moorish."

"Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before."

"How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb? He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him."

"Your dad is so dumb... that he forgot to use a condom -sorry"

"You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?"