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Joke of the Day

"*mugger snatching Elsa's purse Elsa: LET IT GO! Mugger: LET IT GO! Elsa: CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! Mugger: LET IT GO! Elsa: LET IT GO!"

"Ay' girl,is your dad a terrorist Cause you re da bomb"

"What do the iPhone 5 and Viagra have in common? They're both $700 for an extra inch!"

"Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights."

"How do you make holy water? You just boil the hell out of it!"

"Broke my good sunglasses... But instead of buying new ones, I'm just gonna put Trump pictures where the lenses used to be. He seems to be far more polarizing than my Costas ever were."

"Harry Potter Pickup line. Hey babe are you parseltongued cause my snake wants to communicate!"

"Whenever my mum tells me to budget wisely, I remind her that she spent 80 on a dog coat. And we don't even have a dog."

"[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?"

"im the funny guy that shouts ""remix!"" every time a cd skips, buy my stand up comedy digital download online at my web site"