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Joke of the Day

"So, hear about the 2 Muslims in a speedboat who broke through the Thames barrier? They rammed a dam"

"Why are so many people caucusing for Hillary Clinton... They were inspired by Monica Lewinsky."

"Why did the rope not get any presents? Because he was knotty."

"If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly."

"A woman walks into a butcher and asks for a pound of kidleys The butcher says ""do you mean kidneys?"" She answers ""that's what's I said diddly I"""

"The premise of The Exorcist is truly terrifying. Imagine having a 12-year-old daughter."

"Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first."

"I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone"

"Anyone ever notice ""Seven"" has the word ""even"" in it. That's odd."

"My girlfriend told me she was pregnant Me: You gotta be joking! Her: No, I'm serious! Me: Hi, Serious! I'm dad."