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Joke of the Day
"What is the speed limit of sex? 68, because at 69 you have to turn around."
Next Joke
"Who was the best player on the Seahawks last night? The Broncos' center"
"What do you call a pickled female deer? A dilldoe."
"[helping kid w/math] What is 0.1 as a fraction? ""One tenth?"" Good, now what does 10% mean? ""Battery low, plug in your phone?"" Perfect"
"Did you hear of the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months."
"What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting? Octopied"
"A friend of mine told me she worked as a prostitue for a while... I asked her if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz. She hadn't, but she said she'd once been swung round by the tits."
"Do you like tapes and CDs? If yes, can I tape my dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts?"
"Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town"
"Jimmy Savile wasn't all bad; He had a profound and lasting impact on music... Backstage at Top of the Pops, it was him who introduced Cream to Small Faces"