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Joke of the Day

"Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time."

Next Joke
 
"So two mushrooms walk into an elevator. One turns to the other and says, ""There's not mushroom in here is there?"""
"I'm a necrophiliac. I like my Heine's cold."
"What's the cheapest present for an ophan? A tattoo with dad"
"Happy Fourth of July. May your emails be gathered and your drones fly forever free!"
"Hey man, settle an argument for me? ""Sure"" [handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there"
"wait, THESE are pistachios? i've been calling them wood clams"
"Jesus loves you is comforting to hear in church, but terrifying to hear in a Mexican prison."
"Say all the bad things you want about pedophiles But at least they drive slowly through school zones."
"Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was ""reduced fat"" so basically it was like going to the gym."