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Joke of the Day
"What is it? What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The fat kid in my trunk."
Next Joke
"I used to listen to old Mitch Hedberg recordings.. I still do, I just used to too."
"Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven."
"1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil."
"It's never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook."
"Story of Dave There was one a man named Dave. Who kept a dead whore in a cave. He said, 'ah, what the hell, I'll get used to the smell'. 'And think of the money I'll save'."
"What's the most confusing day in the hood? Father's Day"
"""What'd you do today"" ""Went on a treasure hunt"" ""I hope you mean job hunt"" ""Treasure hunt"" ""You need to find a job"" ""Not if I find treasure"""
"If your phone rings during a movie, answer it ""Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!"" And then run head first through the screen."
"Son: Will you please just try to act normal today? Me: You're going to have to be more specific."