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Joke of the Day

"1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil."

"I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a dildo. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself. (Shamelessly stolen from Craig Ferguson)"

"A dog limps into a bar and says... I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

"He did it again! Cop: ""What's in the bottle?"" Me: ""It's water."" Cop: ""This is wine."" Me: ""What? That damn Jesus! He did it again!"""

"Seriously In 20 years time and you're at a pub quiz and a question starts with ""in what year"" Just answer 2016"

"Did you hear about the cartoonist being investigated? Police on the case say he has a sketchy past."

"While Ajax sales have been going down... It's still stronger than Greece"

"Having an intelligent conversation with my 17 year old son. Just kidding. He's making fart noises while I talk about the SATs."

"Seeing as how reddit is taking so many pictures of lightning... Reddit must have some lightning fast reflexes"

"[REQUEST]: Looking for Altitude Competition Flying Joke Looking for the old joke about several pilots bragging about their flight altitudes (?), and then the last one one-upping them all."