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Joke of the Day
"I have a physical limitation from achieving any of my goals My fucking spine. Holds me back."
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"Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of ""Smith"" and ""Baker,"" we had ""Frontenddeveloper"" and ""Socialmediaconsultant."""
"The people you may know list should be renamed to, the people you may want to block."
"I think my new neighbor is a rapist, but that's because I say, ""...said the rapist."" after every one of his sentences."
"*bursts out of stable on a chihuahua* ""Wait, if you're here then that means"" *cut to a horse peeking it's head out of Paris Hiltons purse*"
"Mr. Peanut can't be a health nut... because he is a legume."
"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says...."
"I added Paul walker on Xbox He spends all his time on the dashboard"
"[wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice."
"How do you make a starfish shine? Drop it in sparkling water."