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Joke of the Day

"Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone."

"INTERVIEWER: It says here you can communicate telepathically? ME: IN: Is this an ability you have always had? ME: IN: Please say something."

"What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari? [whisper] I don't have a Ferrari."

"Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins? She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control."

"What happened to the magical tractor? It turned into a field"

"They told him: your girlfriend is cheating on you.. He wiped away his tears & asked : Which one ?"

"John Cena would be a great voice actor because we can't see him"

"I swear I can stare at my girl for hours and not say a word. It's so fucking difficult with this restraining order to have a good conversation."

"We should hang out and stare at our phones."

"What do doors and hookers have in common? You enter, come, and go. EDIT: changed punchline"