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Joke of the Day

"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website? I can't help it I'm hooked."

"what do you call two crows sitting on a fence? attempted murder"

"What happens when you are banned on a muslim server? you are turbanned"

"Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!"

"[at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS"

"I feel bad for people without arms... ... They can't rapidly take off their bottoms when they need to take a massive dump."

"When a redneck divorces his wife She's still legally his sister."

"How do you greet a racist murderer? Good morning officer ."

"Somebody stole my mood ring today. I don't know how I feel about that."

"Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates... ... if you're fat, it won't last long."