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Joke of the Day

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer: I saw it through my telescope last night."

"Cop: can you describe the man who stole your watch? Me: Yes, he had exceptional taste"

"Cargo pants are for when you want to wear khakis, but also want to be a backpack."

"I hear voices in my head sometimes. I just ignore them and keep killing people."

"My Reddit posts are just like my prostitutes. They always end up getting buried."

"I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at."

"If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell ""Donald duck!"""

"New Band I recently started a new band: We have to play every song in a certain order and we all have to be symmetrical on stage. We're called OC/DC."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic baker who advertised a job vacancy? He got no customers because his sign said, ""Looking for staff, a pie within."""

"Dark jokes are a slippery slope... One guy slipped and never told a joke again."