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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*"

"Half the fun of buying your child a piece-of-shit knock off game system is how mad they get when you refer to it as a ""Playstation""."

"Why can't people with ocd go poop? Because they're anal retentive!"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Now, you might say ""r"" but his first love be the ""c""."

"hi yeah I'm here about the junior executive position. my skills? well I'm SUPER GOOD at playing video games i found too difficult as a child"

"I think you are amayonazing! I'd take it as a condiment."

"In the future, people won't ask for a cup of sugar... Instead, they'll ask for a gigabyte of sug.rar"

"""Stop the bus and let my friend Jack off!"""

"My Ex girlfriend works in a pharmacy, so whenever I want to spoil her mood I'll just go there to buy condom for no reason. Sometimes I'll go 3 times a day..."

"ah, corduroy.... u are truley the ruffles chips of pants"