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Joke of the Day

"My wife said I should stop telling jokes because my punchlines are always shit. Shit."

"Party Tip: At a 3-year-old's birthday party, you can piss all over the bathroom. ALL OVER!!!! Nobody will suspect you."

"1 fist bump from a cool black dude = 5 years of my white parents loving me."

"*steals machine parts all year* *gets coal for xmas* ""Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber"" *turns coal into diamond*"

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child? Eric Clapton wouldn't let the bag of cocaine fall out of a window"

"My Grandpa said,... ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Cum on guys... We seriously need to stop making gay jokes."

"A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables... The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything"

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party? ""I'll be Bach"""

"My son went over to a friend's house & his Mom asked when we wanted him home. From her expression I think she was expecting a time, not day."