7649

Joke of the Day

"After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha."

"volcano (n.) [vol-key-noh] A mountain getting its rocks off."

"What is Donald Trump's favorite nation? Discrimination"

"By putting the punchline in the title How do you trick /r/jokes into thinking it's a repost?"

"""Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."""

"I want to die like my grandfather . ..peaceful . . . ready to go. Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car"

"You know how asparagus makes your pee smell? Well, I just heard from my father for the first time in 14 years."

"Polio walks into a bar and no one walks out."

"The biggest problem with prostitution as a career path... All the jobs are entry level"

"What did the former governor of California say after he helped the old lady cross the street? I'm Arnold to assist you."