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Joke of the Day

"After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha."

"I told my friends that I'm going on a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary. Joke's on them, they are too."

"A guy with a wooden eyeball is self conscious... ...so he asks the homeliest girl at the ball if she would like to dance. She looks him straight in the face and says ""would I?!"""

"I suffer bloating for years until I found this one secret supplement! ""rotten eggs"""

"Um, I'm not ""complaining"" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty"

"I can't handle the pressure of competitions. Even in eating races I choke!"

"What did the bird say to the other bird Bro, do you even drosophila melanogaster ?"

"I'm not gay.. I just like 9 inch black clits. Peckas."

"I carry a magic 8 ball because no one should have to make tough decisions alone."