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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to brag about my financial skills but, my bank calls me almost everyday to tell me my debt is outstanding"

"Last night I was using Google docs This morning I decided to use Google moorings."

"If Samuel L. Jackson was a Knight He'd be Ye Olde Motherfucker"

"I spend a lot of time contemplating the mysteries of life, like why the wall the natives built to keep Kong out had a Kong-sized door in it."

"I failed a Health and Safety course at work today... One of the questions was: ""In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"" ""Fuckin' big ones"" was apparently the wrong answer. Edit: grammer"

"ME: For my final wish, I'd like to lose some weight. GENIE: Only way is to eat less and exercise more. ME: This is bullshit."

"You want to know what marriage is like? Think of a prison... Now don't change anything."

"""It's impossible"" said Pride. ""It's risky"" said Experience. ""It's pointless"" said Reason. ""Give it a try"" whispered Heart. (NSFW) ""What the hell is that!"" screamed the anus."

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake all fall off a cliff... Ba-dumm-tss"

"You want to know why we couldn't put together an Eighties Music Festival? It was to much of a cluster-funk."