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Joke of the Day

"So, let me get this straight. You boast that you shagged my Mum, and I'm supposed to get you a Fathers Day card to say 'thanks'?"

"What does Miller Light and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"Why do watermelons have water in Them? Because they are planted in the spring!"

"What do Hillbillies do for Halloween? Pump kin"

"""Marvel comics to introduce a female Muslim superhero"" Fans are looking forward to seeing Captain America, Iron Man and the Post Box in the next Avengers film."

"Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"My daughter told she hates getting glitter on her face I told her it's far better than getting Gary Glitter on her face."

"A cannibal passes a Girl Scout cookie stand. ""How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?"" he asks with a large smile on his face."

"Me: i'll have a beer Bartender: ok it's on the house buddy Me:*grabbing him by collar* then get it down, i'm not climbing up there again"

"I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!"