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Joke of the Day

"A cannibal passes a Girl Scout cookie stand. ""How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?"" he asks with a large smile on his face."

"What's a Grecian Urn? Nothing, they're bankrupt."

"[Whole Foods] Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE! *I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*"

"Politician (noun): Someone who will lay down your life for his country."

"Hell yes, I'll be at the stores at 4 am. I'm not going to buy anything, I just like punching people."

"What's the quickest way to make nine million dollars? Date Simon Cowell."

"Made a small donation to a street comedian for this gem... how do you know your at a gay picnic? The hot dogs taste like shit"

"The people at Netflix are geniuses. I'm impressed that they were able to make a show based on a swimming pool game! I wonder what they'll try next."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week."

"If Jesus suddenly appeared today... I bet he would really hate nail guns."