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Joke of the Day

"Airport burritos. This could be bad news for the people on my next flight."

"Hell is probably just thousands of tourists trying to take pictures of you walking a cat."

"I got in a lot of trouble on a date recently because I didn't open the car door for her Instead I just swam up to the surface"

"If Tom Cruise had an intervention to an addiction... They should call it ""Cruise Control."""

"If I'm on a sneezing fit it's best to let me go, because by the 4th time you say ""God bless you,"" I'm ready for you to be out of my life."

"Why don't my dog and my cat get along? She's a Re-puppy-can and he's a Demo-cat!"

"Where is the best place to hide a body? Buried in the third page of google search results."

"Moon Landing conspiracy theorists should be called Luna-tics Just posting here because r/showerthoughts doesn't allow puns."

"What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents? US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots."

"Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, ""If I'm alive by then,"" and hang up."