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Joke of the Day

"No matter how long I wait to pretend I just noticed the other person walking toward me in a long corridor, I always nod too soon."

"Great news! I'm declaring a national strike. Nobody go to work."

"How are babies and strippers alike? They're fun to play with but I wouldn't want to take one home"

"As a girl who grew up with an annoying little sister the most unrealistic thing about Frozen is how Elsa never tried to kill Anna on purpose"

"The asshole in front of me is texting and driving right as I'm tweeting this."

"A city worker was removing a stray bar extending out in to a sidewalk at forehead level... Thousands of comedians pummeled him to death, and the jokes continued."

"If you enjoyed the film Mean Girls... You'd love Standard Deviation Girls!"

"A couple were working as weed dealers It was a joint operation."

"Police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!!!! Me: Not with that attitude."

"Why were the vets and pounds mad? It was raining cats and dogs"