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Joke of the Day

"Was watching golden globes this morning. The next door neighbbour was sunbathing topless in the garden."

"Two more nuns Two nuns in a bath. First one says ""where's the soap?"" Second nun says ""yeah, it does doesn't it."""

"My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year."

"[at TED talk] OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor? *entire crowd stands* No a MEDICAL doctor *entire crowd sits*"

"Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?"

"Jam and Marmalade NSFW What's the difference between Jam and Marmalade? You can't Marmalade a cock up a girls arse"

"Did you hear that Sean Connery tried out speed-dating but he ended up making all his dates sick? He was told it was a shingles club."

"""911? Help, my house is burning down!"" ""Sir, we're sending the fire brigade right now."" ""I HAVE ENOUGH FIRE I DON'T NEED A BRIGADE OF IT."""

"If only life could be like the movies!* *i.e., every time someone gets a nosebleed it means they'll be dead soon"

"Why did hitler killed himself? He got the bill for gas"