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Joke of the Day

"[at TED talk] OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor? *entire crowd stands* No a MEDICAL doctor *entire crowd sits*"

"Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over - wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole...struggling... Okay, dont watch."

"[nsfw] What's worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees."

"Why did the oak tree get his girlfriend pregnant? Because the state abolished plant parenthood"

"Garbage men have Hefty contracts."

"I just gave my cat a bath. Your move Satan."

"A man walks into an Apple store... ..and lets out a huge fart. Within seconds, everyone in the entire store leaves. Why? -- Because there are no Windows"

"Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod."

"Life with erectile dysfunction is hard But really it isn't."

"My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place."