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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? because it was being chased by Mila Kunis."

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"Hawaiian terrorists be like... Aloha Akbar"
"I can't stop telling people how modest I am."
"If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself."
"You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over"
"which Baldwin went to school? The smart Alec."
"so a polar bear walks into a bar and says: ""i'd like a...................................... beer."" and the bartender says: ""hey man, what's with the big pause?"""
"If a guitar player is a guitarist, and a piano player is a pianist, what's the term for someone who plays the banjo? Racist"
"Who would steal an artificial leg? I'm stumped."
"A man was about to jump off a cliff... ...and before he jumped he said, ""I'm doing this for Jesus Christ!"" I think he took a leap of faith."