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Joke of the Day

"Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook."

"[therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny"

"The Trump presidency will be fine... Remember when NWO took over WCW? In the end, it turned out ok too."

"Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or the rooster's insistence that he knows what's best for both of their bodies?"

"Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure now I see the spots much clearer."

"They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun."

"1) Find short Irish guy 2) teach him to rap. 3) Become manager. Name him Leprechaunye West 4) wait for $ to roll in"

"I once helped an elderly Japanese man cross the street. Afterwards he said, ""Sank you."" So I punched him in the face. He didn't have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that."

"I keep trying to convince my grandmother to get a hearing aid... But she just won't listen"

"Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me"